Sunday, April 5, 2009

Reflections....

Yes….
Jayanth, did tell me that I should start writing…
but but what to write?........why to, whom to???
He still may be remembering the bygone days when both were fond of wrinting specially poems...
but how to convince him that the poet in me is dead long back....but like a ghost, the addiction to writing still haunts me... often...
that is all... no more...
and it seems he is more impressed with my English than kannada…. should I feel happy as his observation as a compliment or should I feel bad for indirectly telling me that my kannada is not that good… he did not exactly use the same words. But I take it… why? Because it is not that jaynths comment that bothers me…it is rather my own confidence in my own faltering expression in my own mother tongue. That really worries me…yes my dictionary of Kannada words are too limited and I just can't take freedom like his encyclopedic knowledge of words…He even has a word for afternoon sleep! Is it Kannada or Sanskrit? I don’t know… I don’t even remember the word used by him. So with my limited little available resources of words... we have to play and express everything on this earth… but still...expression in writing requires many things like good grip on your language, the words should come automatically as if originating directly from the center of thinking or memory in the cerebrum…secondly the content which requires a lot of pre acquired knowledge either by lot of reading habit or observation or at least first hand experience or encounter and the association of your experience to your sensitive environmental compartments of social, religious, cultural, intellectual strata…. …content is important but, more than content, it is the way in which you tell anything that immediately catches the imagination of the readers mind…that magnetic attraction of the style you write in, the words you use, the comparisons you draw and above all the economy of words which is intelligently and suitably used and subtly arranged, make a writing quite interesting... what should be the content..??

There is no hard and fast rule that you should limit your encounters and interaction to a particular factor like science, criticism, reviews, reactions, culture, society, prose, poetry, essays etc… you can express your thoughts or feelings or reactions in your own pet medium…yes may be even as artists do with their acting, painters with colors, sculptor with his sculpture, singers and musicians with their music….so there are lot of mediums for your expression. It is left to you to choose what you like or which medium are you familiar with? Then things automatically start falling in line... and your work of communication either to the readers, viewers, listeners, in any form will be meaningful and a satisfying exercises for you.

What am I familiar with…or what is my field of strength? Is it music, literature, painting, general topics, biological or environmental science, or I feel comfortable in everything except literature and cinema…
Coming to the form of expressions, once again. I am confused about prose or poetry? Poetry, though very interesting and enjoyable, I don’t have that talent. Only, I can appreciate poetry but creation of original soul quenching lines is not that easy…As I have already admitted that with great effort I can sometime create some kind of pleasing lines….that is all. Not more than that... I cannot deceive myself of being properly equipped with required word loads to justify the place of a poet……or to claim to be a reasonably readable writer.

It is not easy to give a few wonderful soul stirring, melodiously worded few lines…worth of inspiration, worth the musical composition, or worth remembering…for a reasonable period of time. So when the talent of writing poetry or what we say a natural or a born poet or god gifted talent is missing miserably in me… Just I don’t have it… I realized it long back.. I may be creative in thinking or in some other aspects of expression, but not in creating poetry of highest order..
So what should I write? about what? whom should I write for? will it be worth writing? Will I get readers who would think it is worth nothing?
Though sometimes I feel, content wise I may not be poor but????

Secondly my limited information and half knowledge about the experiences of day to day life is received and analyzed and perceived in a scientific way. That too biological dimension takes always upper hand... It may be a strength or it may be a weakness as sometimes it limits and ties your poetic heart with intellectual imagination... for example when I look at flower…I should just appreciate or feel inexplicable joy of the colour or beauty or the sweet smell or fragrance of the flower. But my sense of biology always overtakes the beauty and thinks about taxonomy….Inflorescence, venation and pigmentation. So instead of enjoying the bliss of the little flower and its beautiful brown colour I start thinking about the pigment responsible for that colour! Which makes me to think hard about xanthophylls or chlorophyll...and of course god believers explain the same thing in a different exclamatory way of accepting the great unseen hand behind the creation itself…. that is another problem...only one ultimate answer for our all types of ignorance is that great GOD!!!!! This is another tragedy.

If I look at a snake, first it arouses a great fear as a normal man and immediate reaction would be jump and avoid that guest in any manner either by standing still (If there is no adrenaline to make your body gallop)or start running or shout for help or try to kill the snake itself... there is no room for the appreciation of the beast for its beauty. If I look at a bird I may fail to appreciate and just experience the beauty of colour, beak, the neck, or wading legs of the animal's natural beauty. But I think about the the wonderful modifications of the creature for flight in course of long history of evolution. The evolutionary link between the reptiles and aves. Mesozoic era with its Jurassic period of dinosaurs which were slowly changing their identity for ever to become new species altogether.
That is nonsense... indeed!!! Nonsense is not the scientific idea…but my timely response to any situation is idiotic.

Go back millions of years!!!!! Stupidity.
Yes. For people like me, why me? Almost everyone with difficulty may comprehend the very concept of time like 100 or 200 or 1000 years. Even we are not in a position to measure just 15- 20 years of our own life. Think about this example. How many of us remember our great grand father who in reality once existed, lived, respired, inspired and reproduced...?? But I have the least imagination about our great grand parents. It may be great grand mother or father. For me they remain as just a name. No body... no shape, no colour or size. What they was wearing? What was their nature? What did they like? How did they talk? So many thousands of negligible things that make a person and give a personality….all questions unanswered!! Everything about my own great grand father is very very vague and absurdly blur. But now the present generation has the luxury of seeing their ancestors and history at least in print! That too in colour.Yes photos of may be colourful but yet it fails to make the viewer to be in the exact environment of that time. But they are robbed of their self imagination of time and space and the existing environment. The real, ever changing environment cannot be comprehended even through the electronic storing devices.

Imagine my own great grand father did live on this very planet…say about 50 to 75 years... with the same blood and flesh, tissues and the very same DNA in the genes with timely selective breeding variations as I have and the same genetic imprint….. But it is impossible to think and give a proper shape to him except the same head, abdomen, limbs and few other conspicuous morphological characters...But can anyone replicate the millions of seconds what he underwent during his life time as now we are going through? It is impossible….sometimes I feel our own life is told in a story of sort…Only milestone incidents are quoted or expressed but never in detail…. it is just not possible….our life is like a screen play, an abridged story….

Given this limited power of imagination, one cannot comprehend the theory of organic evolution……"origin of species" or for that matter "the descent of man"…Yet Darwin is quite capable of smashing your sense of enjoying the aesthetic beauty and robs the innocent happiness of the great nature, in a natural fashion…though you are absolutely helpless in measuring the time in geological time table which invariably expressed in millions of years. Which makes no sense at all…because for us 75 or 100 or million doesn’t make any difference...they are sounds of numbers!! we don’t live that long to understand and observe the history of the planet…yet it is too fascinating and quite an experience to imagine our selves with dinosaurs during that period. Of course those gigantic animals had no competition from either from the birds or from the mammals.

Time is a complex thing…even Albert Einstein might have failed to explain the time factor in his theory of relativity to our level of comprehension.
Yet….Darwin's evidences are enough to shake your traditional knowledge or mythological and religious convictions or beliefs.

Ignorance is bliss… you can feel and enjoy in your own way. You are not molded or modified to feel and appreciate in a mechanical way!! As others have seen it and experienced.
For example if a Saharan desert man is taken and made to live in rain forest, can you ever think of his emotions and his bewilderment at his new environment???

We always tend to visualize the entire universe with little what we know or what is already known through ancient civilization or limited and unexplored knowledge of humans lived in a short span of few thousand years and come to a final conclusion or judgment and draw a universal and eternal truth…

This really stuns me and I strongly feel sometimes this first encounter with anything with our preoccupied and before hand information hinders ones reception, perception and expression…
I believe environment keeps changing constantly and always influences all the factors including humanity…So there can't be an eternal truth, as time is not stagnant or stationary it keeps moving constantly with ever changing physical, biological and geographical changes,,,
Of course… one need not always know about scientific facts (Of course nobody can claim that they know the entire universe in its totality and have ready made answers for all our puzzling ever curious questions that we come across everyday and everywhere) and for his observation and expression...and for his joyful normal materialistic life. Here poor or rich or orthodox or aristocrat are meaningless as long as they are alive with their senses……that is a constant interaction or responses to the internal or external stimuli. They exist and they are a part of the biotic environment. Whichever way you live…ultimately life remains either to be a great riddle if you start thinking or it becomes too simple if you forget to brood over the past or anticipate about the future…just live the present as it unfolds mysteriously every minute…or it may remain ever elusive in your daily routine of mechanical life…but everyone lives to die… either happily or miserably… both are stages that one has to pass through… nobody's life can be as laborious as one expects to be ever happy…you cannot be and should not be happy because life should be full of surprises and challenges and constant twist and turns. that worriless state of mind will be as bad as dreamless and aimless life. Smooth or happy life as one imagines, itself will start saddening you…..Because life is not a stagnant or idle condition…it will be mechanical if it is made as a comfortable or luxurious. Even the 'haves' if you have pumps you a lot of enthusiasm in you.

Difficulties, sorrows, disappointments, distress, worries, anxieties, happiness, comforts, luxuries, achievements, freedom, satisfaction, peace…… how many words to depict life in a very absurd and vague way…according to ones mood, and one has to experience these phrases one day or the other.. That clearly means a complete real life is a nice mixture of all above said words but experienced by any human species at any point of time anywhere in the planet irrespective of innumerable perceptions of individuals depending upon their physical, intellectual, religious, emotional and environmental and ecological sorroundigs…. SO we have to complete the cycle in one way or the other. And indeed we do complete........because we are alive and remain reactive till the last breath....

It will come to an end…One fine day….Yet…we live. Not a big deal…Neither life is a simplified version of escapism like some spiritual philosophy nor it is as ugly as it made out to be by pessimists or it is not as rosy as the atheist puts it… So…Neither simplify the life nor complicate it with mysterious glorifications or to give an nonexistent ideology with certain definitions or principles….which are always incomplete and cannot answer anything..
Life is living….just live… No philosophy or ideology can be equal to ones own experience of his agonies and ecstasies or to say his encounters with the situations… Situations of any kind that keeps happening in everybody's life everywhere and every passing moment! May be in your scream or dream…
But why to expect answers for your questions.. or first of all what are you questioning about? Your failures, greed, jealousy, cruelty…selfishness, disappointments, frustrations which are, directly a result of your so called unjustified ambition or aim.. based on your ambition… your ambition!! how far it is justified…anyway..
Think about it...

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

one fails to understand,what exactly the writer wants to tell us about.Yes it is a type of self recollection of thoughts and a type of analysis or just has scribble whatever that has passed through his mind.with a athist set of mind and a scintific background the write up catches our attention for its content.About his interpretations of his encounters with his subject is sometimes seems to be an everlasting repetition.Yet there are glimpses of new thinking or at least he is trying to tell something in his own way, but unfortunately it is not communicating what he intends to tell us.There it is a failure.But if he keeps writing and cultivates to focus on one peticular topic or subject and starts throwing new lights and new dimension to the expression. he may be read with interest in futre. Evaluating the talent and capabality of the author is difficult to judge at one go. Let us wish him good luck. That is all what I can do. But keep writing for yourself. That is good for your mental condition and general
health.Good luck. Shesha..

vidyarashmi said...

yes anna,
this is a gud outlet for your inner ANTARMATHANA. go on writing. yaru odali bidali, neevu bareyalebeku. i will read it and so many others.
-vidyarashmi

U.S.Moinuddin said...

Hi! It appears as though the enormous information you have stored within you wants to reach people. Your writing exhibits a great passion for science and English. Your understanding of people and the different phases they encounter during their life time is vast. Undoubtedly, you display fervor to gain knowledge and spread knowledge, perhaps the traits you have acquired being an educationist.
"Reflections" is a captivating piece of writing, I enjoyed every word of it and wish to read more of your writing.

U.S.Moinuddin

Author, Educationist and Environmentalist

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